Scattered Thoughts

When I thought of writing an article, I thought of so many things, but when I actually started writing, open my laptop with an earl grey tea with headphones on, I couldn’t find anything specific to write. I thought to myself that am I being dramatic about this? I am not Aisha from “Wake up Sid”, who would naturally wrote up an article overnight with the scattered thoughts. Yes, I have found myself or loved to think of myself in the main character of a movie or my favorite series. But I am not the main character of any story except my own. In my opinion, if anyone ask me what the favorite things are I would love to do, it would take a long time to think about what I actually want to do or dream about to do. All my life I tried to gather good memories with whomever I spent time. If I start to mention every name of those good people from whom I learnt something, this article might turn into a book or a novel. So, I thought to myself, which part of me I should write about. Should it be something happy or should it be something inspirational? All my life I knew one thing, I tried to maintain one thing that would be the saying which might look like a post from Instagram but that has been always my motto – “Be True to Yourself”. May be from someone else’s point of view I have everything, or they might say what the hell is she doing with her life. But I tried to be a simple person all my life as my Parents taught me to be- “Be Kind”, “Don’t be hurtful or disrespectful to Others”. I tried my best to be kind, sometimes I couldn’t hold my anger just to me because by nature I always thought that I am not a nice person. And also, very few people told me that they found me very arrogant at first sight. At this point of my life, if I start to compare my life achievements with others – I might end up a very poor person achievement wise. But I like to think that I am where I am supposed to be. May be I have never been in a so called “relationship”, but damn I performed as a relationship counsellor without any proper training. I wondered why people (those who are close to me) would ask for my opinion about relationships, about career. Every time I find one answer – I always follow my gut feeling and try to answer from past experience. I don’t know if that’s good or not I always speak my mind. I have lost many people I forgot the number because of this nature. But what can I do, I can’t change this nature, and frankly I don’t want to change. I got hurt, stumbled upon, struggled to communicate in a humanly manner, but I didn’t want to change that nature. I might sound arrogant, but I came to meet so many people who are still in my life because of this nature. Because they know that they would get an honest opinion out of me. The number decreased over the year, but I am in a state of my life, I am not happy, I am not sad, I am not that depressed, I am just content. Because I saw many people struggle with so many things, that made me think if they can keep up with this cruel world, they can talk with a smiling face, I can too. My problems seem tiny compared to their. I try to keep up with this world thinking that I might be there some day where I want to be, I don’t want to be rich, I just want to be content, kind, humble and modest and be there for those people who have been kind to me and kept me in their lives even though they might have seen my nasty and cruel side. For those who want so many things from this world, for them I just pray and hope that they would find their peace in this world. Because we are struggling every day without thinking what could happen in the next moment. I pray for those souls and hope that someone out there also pray for my damned soul. Let’s hope that we are all going to find that piece of peace that we are all looking for and be kind to one another and keep the friendship alive with just a small text or may be a call that we feel would make us happy even for a moment.