My journal

I was thinking about whether religion is fact or fiction and whether it even matters. 

Because of social media and mass media, I have inevitably fallen into the doubt of the meaning of my existence.  

The main thing I have learned is- 

 “We don’t know anything about anything for SURE. You might disagree with certain religious doctrines and think we are deluding people but it is necessary. Religion is a necessary and useful fiction for the welfare of humanity. There are unexplainable things but we don’t Exactly know if God is behind it. Some of us truly believe in The Almighty and some of us don’t.’’

My problem is–should I just stop there-in this recognition that ‘I don’t truly know anything’ stage ? Is there a next step that I Should take? I myself have cared about the overarching meaning of my life and everyone around me and what is it that unites us. Religion has been used as a uniting factor but the truth is unknown. Many others don’t care about Unity. What then? 

Just live my life following my desires and needs or be stuck in this awareness stage. 

Swing like a pendulum to and fro? 

Is there anything else to it? 

Wait for the pendulum to drop? 

But after that? 

Maybe it doesn’t even matter. There is no ‘Truth’ out there. We can only realize or actualize the Extent of ourselves–our human selves as we are so embedded in our own consciousness. There is probably literally nothing else to it. If there is, we can’t go beyond ourselves. 

The funny thing is I still pray. Its comforting. But I pray when it’s convenient. And that hasn’t changed. Because when I was religious, I still prayed whenever it was convenient. Like many other people I picked up bits and pieces I liked from religious practices. No matter what, I only do what is convenient for me.  

I only do what I have done for self-gratification and nothing else. So, in terms of religion–I am so… so…so…clueless.