I’m not the type to write diaries, but some days refuse to be forgotten.
February 15: After the BUET written exam, I knew I was doomed. And today I’m speechless. If I knew there’d be only one day between BUET and DU, I would’ve chosen a Dhaka center instead of Mymensingh. Now I’m sick from all the traveling and not even sure what I wrote. At least I’m not crying like my roommate— I’m just not expressive. There are other places I can go besides BUET or DU, but I really want to stay in Dhaka. GOD, PLEASE HELP.
April 16: Boredom is running my life. I’m home, doing everything— cooking, tutoring, crocheting, and tailoring. Two more months and I’ll be a full-time handcraft all-rounder. I intentionally picked statistics. I wanted ISRT, but my rank didn’t allow it. Still, statistics fits my taste, so I’m excited for classes to start.
May 6: My first ever visit to DU. I’ve always been like a caged bird, so going out felt beautiful. Soon I’ll move to Dhaka alone. I chose statistics when everyone told me to pick physics. It better be worth it. On July 2, I was overconfident. First day of university and I’m already overwhelmed. I’m introverted, but this feels impossible. Everyone seems to know each other, ready to talk, ready to shine. I understand nothing. I feel like a tiny fish suddenly thrown into the Pacific. Maybe I really am meant to be alone.
July 7: I met someone today—Any. Not a guy, don’t think weird. For someone like me, who couldn’t make a single friend in a week, meeting one person means a lot. She didn’t treat me like I’m invisible. She’s quiet but not like me and so pretty. I love pretty things. But honestly, I still want to go home. I’m better as a caged bird.
July 17: Shapa—whatever. I didn’t wear a saree; who cares? It’s not like I have friends here. Maybe Any, but we’re not close. Everyone looked so pretty in a saree. Pretty things make me happy, even if pretty girls probably think I’m ugly. Someone refused to take a photo with me today. I didn’t know people like that existed. God, send someone good my way.
August 1: If mental torture wasn’t enough, now it’s physical. I went to Cumilla and came back for my cousin’s wedding. It was actually fun— everyone was so sweet. But now I have a fever from traveling too much. I hate how weak I am. But my cousin looked gorgeous. Her husband not so much.
August 5: Surprisingly a good day. ACS’s grand celebration was horrible— I was cooked alive in the sun— but I got pictures with the lecturers, so that counts. Rodoshe is great company. No wonder she’s so popular. But honestly, yesterday was better. A whole group of us went to Hatirjhil— walking, boating, laughing. I barely know half their names, but it was fun.
August 13: Yes, I am meant to be alone. Just when I was getting a friend circle, I fell sick. Chikungunya. The Hatirjhil group was finally getting close, planned hangouts and enjoyed everything without me. I couldn’t even sit up or check my phone. I’m not being dramatic— I’m genuinely sad.
August 24: First day at the hall after my unwanted Chikungunya break. I love it here. The building is new, everything is clean, and even the food is ten times better than my old hostel. And it’s inside the campus— no more early morning torture. I even like my roommates. Life suddenly feels good.
August 27: I thought I’d be alone again, but I was wrong. Any and Rodoshe somehow became my benchmates. We went to Bati Ghor today. I interacted with others for the first time. The book collection was huge, and the tea wasn’t bad— thanks to Siam for buying us tea.
September 3: Kayaking at Uttara. We had fewer classes today, so we escaped. Aman and Rodoshe ditched us early (traitors), but Mithil handled our boat like a hero while I and Any just enjoyed ourselves. Just when I felt like I had friends, one of them said he didn’t even know my name. I was hurt, but fine. I forgot his name too.
September 6: My birthday. For the first time in my life, someone actually celebrated it. I was so shocked I forgot to react. I’m really thankful—God finally sent me good people. Not perfect, but good enough.
September 9 was DUCSU election day— the first fair one since 1990. My first time voting too. The campus felt warm today, empty and peaceful without outsiders. I’ll miss the promotion chaos, though. September 16 DU is definitely my place. Basanto Bus’s orientation felt like a concert. I went for food but stayed for fun. Life should treat me like this every day. September 24 My first incourse is coming, but I’m at Bashundhara City watching The Conjuring. Scary? No. Rom-com at best. I enjoyed exploring the shops more. Bashundhara is so pretty.
October 8: Exams postponed! So obviously I went to Agargaon again instead of studying. Smaller group this time, but so much fun. We went for the viral cake— mid. But the day? Lovely. I’m honestly enjoying university way more than expected. I knew God loved me; I just couldn’t prove it.
October 20: Last incourse done. I haven’t slept for a week— one-night-study gang (except I won’t slay this time). We planned to go to Ahsan Manzil, but no one wanted to go because the exam was hard, so I dragged them to the Military Museum instead. I dressed up after all. The place was beautiful. Mrittika sparkled, thinking of the navy. Anyhow, Siam and I played the VR game too. Perfect post-exam day.
October 24: Somehow I got very close to Any and Rodoshe without noticing. I stayed at their hostel yesterday. I loved Samia— such a sweet girl. Are Gaibandha girls my type? Maybe. We had pancakes, tea, gossip, mehendi everything. Today we randomly visited NDC with Rimin, Siam, and Rakib and got treats from Samia and Siam. Now I have a fever again, but it’s worth it.
October 27: We celebrated Siam, Mim, and Junayed’s birthdays together. The cake was amazing. Must ask Efad for the shop name.
October 30: Shapa again— but this time beautiful. I wore a saree, Nazia did my makeup, and I looked pretty pretty. We took tons of photos. Siam is basically our photographer at this point; I owe him something big. I also met seniors. First time for me since I missed icebreaking because of chikungunya. Hall seniors are sweet, but department seniors used to be scary— today they weren’t. Maybe I judge people badly. Who knows?
November 15: A lot happened. First volunteering, I got sick again, tried Mirpur street food, and moved to a permanent room. I was scared of having senior roommates, but they’re angels. They treat me so well, buy me things, give me space, and include me in everything. I’ll stay with them forever. Also, Rodoshe gifted Any and me necklaces because I once said they looked pretty. I can’t explain how happy that made me when they noticed small things.
November 18: I usually don’t go out at night, but today I watched a football match at Mohsin Hall field. Also crashed Sibir’s random TSC party for food. I stayed until 10 only because Jerin Apu was with me. Any, Rodoshe, and Morshed were there too. And Bangladesh actually won against India. Must be the pretty girls’ blessing.
November 21: Any and Rodoshe stayed overnight at my hall. We shopped after class— bought winter clothes and matching hoodies. We already have matching bags. If this friendship breaks, the number of matching items will declare war. We cooked noodles (they cooked, I sponsored, I can’t cook), drank tea, gossiped, played UNO, and talked till 2 am. And right after they left, the city shook with an earthquake. Scared us all. The rest of the day was just praying.
December 8: I miss my department more than I thought I would. I miss those fools so much that I don’t want to stay home. But what to do? Class is off till 28 December because of the earthquake and winter break. But guess what? This year is still just perfect. A perfect square, they say. 2025 is surely my perfect square. (Enhypen won a lot of awards, so I am actually so happy.)
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